Passengers have been sharing the slickest lines pilots have said on flights on the online forum Quora.

The quick-witted remarks range from topics like the weather to the grumpiness of passengers over a late arrival.

Here are the best ones:

Cool under pressure

Passenger Tim Morgan said: “In 1982, A British Airways flight from Singapore to Australia flew next to an erupting volcano near Indonesia, and ash shut down all four of the engines.

The captain said: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have a small problem — all four engines have stopped.

“We are doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress.’”

Left eye’s view

Passenger Cory Patterson said: “On an American Airlines flight from Houston to Seattle, when approaching Seattle the captain keys in, ‘Ladies and gentlemen if you look to the right you’ll see a fantastic view of Mt. Ranier.’

“We looked and Mr. Ranier was nowhere to be seen, so everyone was confused.

“Then the Captain came on saying, ‘I’m sorry folks, I meant to the left.’

“Then right after he chimed in again with, ‘So the passengers on the right side aren’t disappointed, if you look to your left you’ll notice the happy faces of the left passengers enjoying the view!’”

Short and sweet

Passenger Maarten Albarda said: “A short flight on Southwest Airlines from Indianapolis to Chicago’s Midway Airport.

Chicago, known as the windy city, treated us that day with a particularly bumpy approach.

“Shortly after, the pilot came on and all he said was: ‘We’re here.’”

Welcome to your private plane

Passenger Doug Massey said: “My favourite is what the pilot said to me when I was the only passenger on a plane meant for 100.

“They said: ‘Welcome to the Doug Massey Private Airline. We hope you enjoy your flight to Burlington. After we’ve reached the cruising altitude, I’ll turn off the seat belt sign and encourage you to try all the other seats in the cabin and let us know which one you like best.’”

Pushing my buttons

Passenger Thea Kvant said: “Flying to Hungary from Sweden last year, the plane was taking quite some time to start moving — at one point the engines started, ran for about a minute and then shut off again.

“Then the captain said: ‘I would like to assure you there is nothing wrong with the plane, I just pressed the wrong button.’”

Better late than never

Passenger Serge Habourdin said: “Many years ago, we were seated on a flight due to depart on early morning for a domestic flight from Paris to Nice and nothing was happening.

“After a while, the passengers started to grumble and the pilot talked over the public address system.

“He said: ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we have a little technical problem that is to be solved soon. I don’t know about you, but, as far as I am concerned, I do prefer to arrive late in this world than to arrive in advance in the other one.’”

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