Attention prisoner!

If Cops Talked Like Pilots!

This is your cop captain speaking. First on behalf of the police department I’d like to thank you for picking our jurisdiction for an arrest. We know you had your choice of cities. Visibility is clear today. In fact if you look out the left side, you’ll see your car being towed away. We’re set for an on-time arrival to the jail. You’ll be entering through cell number 4 where you’ll be served a mildly warm hot pocket. Until then sit back and enjoy the ride and contemplate your ridiculous life decisions.

Attention prisoner! I’ll be your police officer for this trip. Sit back on the hard plastic seats and enjoy the ride.

Attention prisoner! This is your cop captain speaking. Hope you’re settling in okay and enjoying a reduced amount of legroom compared to your normal modes of travel. In reviewing your criminal history, I’d like to congratulate you as it does show us that you are what we call a frequent flyer. So welcome to the club. Great news as those miles can be applied to your account today in exchange for Bibles, romance books or tasty snacks during your stay at the local jail. In addition to that, there are a few other perks that come along with your membership. For example, you’ve qualified for the right to enjoy staying silent on your ride. In fact, we encourage it as you’ve already irritated our staff enough.

Should you choose to open your mouth further, just be aware that it could come back to bite you. As a bonus, at the end of your trip today lawyers will be coming down the aisle, offering their free services. And by free, I mean that functional members of society that can actually control their anger issues, like grown-ups, we’ll be there to help defend you in court at the taxpayers expense. These and other amazing benefits await you. As always we know that you had your choice of cities to get arrested in, so we thank you for your business.


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