USAF reactions to this event follow:
Air Education and Training Command:
The purpose is to familiarize the chicken with road-crossing procedures. Road-crossing should be performed only between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Solo chickens must have at least three miles of visibility and a safety observer.
Special Ops:
The chicken crossed at a 90 degree angle to avoid prolonged exposure to a line of communication. To achieve maximum surprise, the chicken should have performed this maneuver at night using NVG’s, preferably near a road bend in a valley.
Air Combat Command:
The chicken should log this as a GCC sortie only if road-crossing qualified. The crossing updates the chicken’s 60-day road-crossing currency only if performed on a Monday or Thursday or during a full moon. Instructor chickens may update currency any time they observe another chicken cross the road.
Tanker Airlift Control Center:
We need the road-crossing time and the time the chicken becomes available for another crossing.
Command Post:
What chicken?
Tower:
The chicken was instructed to hold short of the road. This road-incursion incident was reported in a Hazardous Chicken Road-Crossing Report (HCRCR). Please re-emphasize that chickens are required to read back all hold short instructions.
C-130 crewmember:
Just put it in back and let’s go.
C-141 crewmember:
I ordered a no. 4 with Turkey and ham, NOT chicken. Besides, where the heck are my condiments?! We ain’t taking off til’ I get my condiments!!!
Fighter dude:
Look, dude, that was the frag, OK? I’ve flown my 1.0 for the day and I ain’t got time for anymore questions!
B-1 crew:
Missed the whole show–we had an IFE so we couldn’t get out to see it; you’ll have to ask the SOF.
Air Force Personnel Center:
Due to the needs of the Air Force, the chicken was involuntarily reassigned to the other side of the road. This will be a 3-year controlled tour and we promise to give the chicken a good-deal assignment afterwards. Every chicken will be required to do one road-crossing during its career, and this will not affect its opportunities for future promotion.
John Warden:
The chicken used its unique ability to operate in 2 dimensions to bypass the less important strategic rings on this side of the road and strike directly into the heart of the enemy, thereby destroying the will of the enemy to fight and thus ending the conflict on terms favorable to the chicken.
Congress:
The chicken will do anything to get the C-17 and the F-22.
F-111 Chicken:
Crosses the eight-lane highway both ways!
F/A-18E Chicken:
Crosses the road ahead of schedule and with less cost than expected
TSR.2 Chicken:
It tried hard to cross the road, but got beheaded before getting to the kerb
A-10 Chicken:
Tough enough to cross the road even when cars are about!
Rafale Chicken:
You see different colored feathers while it crosses, but cook it and it still tastes like… chicken.
F-15E Chicken:
Crosses the road fast, low, and very accurately, and wards off any cars that might want to knock it down.
F-16 Chicken:
Small, light, and agile, but seldom has enough fuel to reach the other side.
F-4 Chicken:
Getting elderly, but still in top form to take on tomorrows roads. Very ugly, but very effective.
Foxbat Chicken:
Crosses so fast it gets a speeding ticket!
E-3A Chicken:
Looks left, right, forward, back, up, down and all around, then directs all the other Chickens as to where is the safest place to cross.
F-117 Chicken:
Only crosses the road at night…
B-47 Chicken:
Tried to run, but got flattened by the B-52 Chicken
B-52 Chicken:
A rather elderly Chicken that crosses the road with noise, smoke, and a huge load, but can easily be knocked over by a car before it gets to the other side.
B-2 Chicken:
Nobody really knows…
SR-71 Chicken:
Can’t lay eggs, but if run on the correct JP-7 fodder can reach high enough speed to outrun any preying foxes, and can flap high enough to escape the clutches of their paws. Easily discernable by piping hot black feathers.
Stits SkyBaby Chicken:
Can’t cluck, and can’t lay eggs, but you can carry it across the road in your pocket
X-15 Chicken:
Crosses faster than any other chicken, but if you don’t dip it in liquid nitrogen first, it arrives on the other side fully cooked.
