Tower: Traffic at your 6 o’clock, 2 miles, same altitude, closing slowly.
Pilot: Roger. Since our plane doesn’t come standard with rear view mirrors, could you keep us apprised?
Flight Watch: Cessna X, Can you give us a pilot report?
Pilot: It feels like we’re riding a hotel’s vibrating bed up here.
Flight Watch: Is that bed on the light, moderate or rattle your teeth setting?
An airliner was in a holding pattern waiting for the Democratic Presidential Nominee to leave the area.
Tower: Airliner X, can you hold for another 10 minutes?
Pilot: Yes sir, however, please advise the Democrats that more and more passengers are turning Republican.
Jet Pilot: Tower, we’d like to report a family of foxes crossing the taxiway.
Tower: Roger that. The foxes help keep families of birds from nesting in the area.
Approach Control: 747 Heavy, traffic is a 777 at your 2 o’clock at 4000 feet.
747 Heavy: Roger, Approach, we have that light twin in sight.
Ground Control: Airliner X, Good news, you are clear to taxi to the active.
Pilot: Roger, What’s the bad news?
Ground Control: No bad news at the moment, but you probably want to get gone before I find any.
Tower: “Kilo Mike Delta, are you proceeding to TGO?”
Pilot: “Yes Sir, more or less.”
Tower: “In that case, proceed a little bit more to TGO!”
Pilot (LH 876): “Request heading 110 to avoid.”
Tower: “To avoid what!?”
Pilot (LH 876): “To avoid delay.”